Odd to breathe

Somedays I sit on the rooftop, contemplating life and us,
Somedays I stay on the rooftop, an inch afar.
Realising bunking classes and getting drenched,
It wasn't the only way of showing the love.
But we did what we did for how we knew it,
And we did what we could when we could do it.
I'm tired of being the girl who misses you,
And I'm tired of telling myself the storm will pass.
So far, so long,  I've lost my voice.
So far, so long it's even odd to breathe.
Somedays I write, not to you, not for you.
But to myself when the chest feels the ache.
For the ungrateful drought that your last goodbye message brings,
The overwhelmed devil now cries on a sadist's bay.
I'm shedding pages of the love letters that I once found real,
And the cigarette ash falls off, like a bleeding musketeer.
There's something I'm sipping, it stings my throat,
But I feel light, and so for once I look at you.
Fed by the promises, splashed with dirty secrets,
Being the corpse of the past memories,
On days so long, I lose my voice,
On days I feel strange, for it's odd to inhale.

Reluctant.

In the hustling of the city,
Somewhere near the noise,
I found a way to escape,
To a land dreamy and moist.
In all the hustling and the bustling, I found a new city,
An all new life was calling me, aware there I stood.
A new city, different people, old scars, new damages,
She was reluctant but she chose not to fear.
A few kicks, a little up and down,
In the rambling of the city, she didn't let her reluctance come in my way.

The mall was crowded, my hands were clenching,
Stare-Stare, I was picking the whore closet.
My clothes etching into me, too small, too exposing,
So there she was reluctant, reluctant to set me free.
Set me free infront of the hungry beast,
Humanly flesh just like steak.
She was reluctant but she set me free.
A pepper spray, a punch on the face,
In a lonely-crowded place, she taught me to be safe.

I fell in love with a boy she couldn't approve,
For we were sixteen, in his lies she saw me drool.
She was reluctant to let me be with him,
For boys break hearts and sometimes it's hard to mend.
She was reluctant but she always had her shoulder for my wet eyes.

In the hustling of the city,
Somewhere near the noise,
My maa taught me to chase my dreams,
Reluctantly, hopelessly, to wander off to become the brightest, happiest beam.